Wednesday, May 11, 2016
And 1 Year Later, Or So...
Monday, September 29, 2014
Comeback
It seems that each time that I write in this blog a year has passed by... That is not intentional, and my love for writing has not faded... Too many changes, too many things standing between my now and my "where I want to be".
The story so far...
2013 was not nice. It was a year of being kicked over and over and over after surviving our horrible 2012... I am glad to say we survived yet again. I am just not certain of why things have to be this way, especially when all we want to do is live meaningful lives and make a difference.
JANUARY 2013
We moved from Puerto Rico to Florida. Thanks to a friend, we made that difficult transition. She opened her home for almost a month. We are forever grateful for her help in taking the plunge to start anew. It was a very difficult time, with plenty of family drama and conflict, and we had no choice but to carry on. Nothing that we had planned worked out. Interviews did not generate call backs... I am sad and shaken by some events that spinned-off from this, as I am a crystal-clear person who believes in truth and integrity. Still, I try to focus on the fact that although we were perfect strangers they helped us steer our boat into a more focused direction. For that, we are forever in your debt.
FEBRUARY 2013
We moved to Kissimmee, FL. A fellow Puertorican family whose kid also has SMA took us in to help us grow some roots. We are forever thankful for the Hernandez Family. They were not our friends, just acquaintances, yet they opened their home to us for almost 4 months. We would have been on the street if not for their kindness. We will never forget this. We know how difficult is having visiting cousins in your house, now imagine a family of strangers! Nevertheless, they help us stand. The world of SMA connected us to people that have become closer than family, that are passionate and true. And we all have a simple silent code of a very special understanding... We are forever in your debt.
MAY 2013
The Clerk of Court fiasco. I got interviewed, and hired, at the Kissimmee Clerk of Court. The perfect IT job to compliment my career expertise. I started, everything looked excellent, I was learning their system, and then 4 days latter I was fired because I could not lift a laser printer. As simple as that. During that same week I had two job offers but had not called back to decline them yet... They were not IT related, but I was quite thankful that I had not declined them. I did the final calls and I finally got a job. It was not the best, but at least it helped to bring back my resume and to introduce me back to the real world... if this is real...
I started working at Home Depot as a greeter. It all seemed fine and dandy, but the amount of weekly hours did not help our little family much. As the only one working, 9 to 12 hours a week in minimum wage doesn't really help a family of three.
We realized we would still have to go through a long wait until we could stand on our own, and we could not keep on living with our benefactors. Our stay had been extended for too long. We made the contacts to solve that. At the end of the month we were taken into the Coalition for the Homeless in Orlando. We hoped that being in the "system" would help us get the help that we needed.
For the next months, juggling the scheduled obligatory voluntary chores and the weird job schedules plus continuous job hunt mostly was the bread and butter of the day. Both Mark and me took all the library courses that we could to have something recent in our resume profiles, and we constantly sent out our resumes. So many jobs, right? I diligently placed at least 10 requests per day on my bad days... No replies.
AUGUST 2013
By the middle of August, Mark finally got a job offer. Thanks to this, we qualified into a program that helps struggling families. The program helped us get out of the homeless shelter and into an apartment.
SEPTEMBER 2013
We moved into the apartment at the end of September. I was interviewed by Disney that same week. Then I got the happiest call on Earth also by the end of September: I was hired by Disney in their ecommerce branch.
OCTOBER 2013
I began training in ecommerce, started working 40+ hours right away, Mark kept on working, and Kali was doing good at the school's head start. It was also the big one year mark from Deedee... her first year away from us. Bittersweet October... I am convinced that she was the one behind my getting a job at Disney. She wanted me to be surrounded by all she liked... by her lovely self... A lovely thought that patched up the pieces of my heart enough to allow my body to go on with the show. Patching up something that can never be repaired is quite daunting... Nothing left to do but take it all one day at a time...
And so, 2013 ended. We were glad about it... It was a year in which we tried rising from our ashes... very unsuccessfully. It is true that if we had stay in Puerto Rico it would have been worst as there are no jobs for us over there... The bad move was leaving everything in New Jersey. we should have stayed there. But... we were not thinking, period. We were not ready for our daughter's death. We just did not think at all... We lost everything. Moving to Florida was a test, but we had nothing to loose. We had already lost everything. The hard part has been waking up every morning knowing that our Deedee is not there anymore... The hard part has been getting out of bed, getting ready, going to work and having to smile and act as if everything were fine... because nothing is fine. Day by day, night by night... the most daunting task is simply to have a will to go on.
And so, 2014 arrived. I have been blessed with a job that needs me for more than 40 hours, so at least I am making certain that my little family keeps the roof over our heads. But the struggles keep on...
FEBRUARY 2014
Someone gets in our apartment and steals our electronics: Our 2 laptops, a Playstation 3, our spare Hard Disk... This drove us over our edge. All of our pictures and videos of Deedee were in that hard disk. That hard disk literally had our life. It was priceless. It was all that was left of our Golden Years. And now, even that was taken away...
To place a cherry at the top of the sundae, mark lost his job at the end of the month. So, the whole fate of our family goes over my shoulders once more.
AUGUST 2014
I took some vacation time. My best friend pay my trip to Puerto Rico so I could visit Deedee's tomb. I finally was able to put there the flowers that she liked... It was all I could do... This brings me a smile to my face, but still I have the thought in the back of my head: "It is all wrong. I should not be bringing you flowers, you should be alive with us...". The anger and the pain and the silent despair doesn't go away, and it doesn't stop being strong. I love my dear Deedee... And I miss her every single second.
SEPTEMBER 2014
About to celebrate my 1st Anniversary working at Disney! And soon about to celebrate my daughter's 2nd year since she passed away. Duality always goes hand in hand... Bittersweet. That is the word that describes my life. Bittersweet and duality. And... the show must go on.
Here we are.
At the end of September, here I stand... I look up into the sky, to find the brightest star so I find guidance. And there she is, my amazing bright star... shining on us... shining on me. The pain fills me with tears of anger, with unanswered questions, with endless rage. Yet, my dear angel shines on me... trying her best to soothe my spirit, to patch up the bleeding wounds. Her smile, my smile. Her existence my existence. Her silence, my silence... I don't understand why she had to go. I don't understand why, after all our efforts, all of our love was not enough to make her stay. I don't understand if God is just and merciful, why he let this happen... all of this. I don't understand why life makes it so hard for the good people to win but allows evil to prevail unpunished. I don't understand... So many things I don't understand...
My life was taken away the day my little warrior princess exhaled a last breath. She gave me sound purpose, and I gave it all to find a way to make her life whole. I gave it all. I want to honor her memory and do so many meaningful things... yet I am stuck in a mundane life that serves the only purpose of keeping a roof and paying bills. Stuck with the feeling that although it was not my fault, it will always be my fault. Nothing has the same luster. Nothing has the same value or feel. Everything is changed so deeply, beyond explanations... And yet I must stand, and smile, and be an amazing crowd pleaser. Who cares if my heart is breaking every step of the way...
End of September... One year, eleven months and seven days that we walk without holding her hand, or hearing her voice, or gaze into your lovely eyes... Too much time away from real Heaven. Loving her so much, missing her so much... Impatiently waiting until the day I can hold her in my arms again, forever.
In the meantime... trying to find answers, trying to find the colors of the rainbow, trying to breathe once more...
The story so far...
2013 was not nice. It was a year of being kicked over and over and over after surviving our horrible 2012... I am glad to say we survived yet again. I am just not certain of why things have to be this way, especially when all we want to do is live meaningful lives and make a difference.
JANUARY 2013
We moved from Puerto Rico to Florida. Thanks to a friend, we made that difficult transition. She opened her home for almost a month. We are forever grateful for her help in taking the plunge to start anew. It was a very difficult time, with plenty of family drama and conflict, and we had no choice but to carry on. Nothing that we had planned worked out. Interviews did not generate call backs... I am sad and shaken by some events that spinned-off from this, as I am a crystal-clear person who believes in truth and integrity. Still, I try to focus on the fact that although we were perfect strangers they helped us steer our boat into a more focused direction. For that, we are forever in your debt.
FEBRUARY 2013
We moved to Kissimmee, FL. A fellow Puertorican family whose kid also has SMA took us in to help us grow some roots. We are forever thankful for the Hernandez Family. They were not our friends, just acquaintances, yet they opened their home to us for almost 4 months. We would have been on the street if not for their kindness. We will never forget this. We know how difficult is having visiting cousins in your house, now imagine a family of strangers! Nevertheless, they help us stand. The world of SMA connected us to people that have become closer than family, that are passionate and true. And we all have a simple silent code of a very special understanding... We are forever in your debt.
MAY 2013
The Clerk of Court fiasco. I got interviewed, and hired, at the Kissimmee Clerk of Court. The perfect IT job to compliment my career expertise. I started, everything looked excellent, I was learning their system, and then 4 days latter I was fired because I could not lift a laser printer. As simple as that. During that same week I had two job offers but had not called back to decline them yet... They were not IT related, but I was quite thankful that I had not declined them. I did the final calls and I finally got a job. It was not the best, but at least it helped to bring back my resume and to introduce me back to the real world... if this is real...
I started working at Home Depot as a greeter. It all seemed fine and dandy, but the amount of weekly hours did not help our little family much. As the only one working, 9 to 12 hours a week in minimum wage doesn't really help a family of three.
We realized we would still have to go through a long wait until we could stand on our own, and we could not keep on living with our benefactors. Our stay had been extended for too long. We made the contacts to solve that. At the end of the month we were taken into the Coalition for the Homeless in Orlando. We hoped that being in the "system" would help us get the help that we needed.
For the next months, juggling the scheduled obligatory voluntary chores and the weird job schedules plus continuous job hunt mostly was the bread and butter of the day. Both Mark and me took all the library courses that we could to have something recent in our resume profiles, and we constantly sent out our resumes. So many jobs, right? I diligently placed at least 10 requests per day on my bad days... No replies.
AUGUST 2013
By the middle of August, Mark finally got a job offer. Thanks to this, we qualified into a program that helps struggling families. The program helped us get out of the homeless shelter and into an apartment.
SEPTEMBER 2013
We moved into the apartment at the end of September. I was interviewed by Disney that same week. Then I got the happiest call on Earth also by the end of September: I was hired by Disney in their ecommerce branch.
OCTOBER 2013
I began training in ecommerce, started working 40+ hours right away, Mark kept on working, and Kali was doing good at the school's head start. It was also the big one year mark from Deedee... her first year away from us. Bittersweet October... I am convinced that she was the one behind my getting a job at Disney. She wanted me to be surrounded by all she liked... by her lovely self... A lovely thought that patched up the pieces of my heart enough to allow my body to go on with the show. Patching up something that can never be repaired is quite daunting... Nothing left to do but take it all one day at a time...
And so, 2013 ended. We were glad about it... It was a year in which we tried rising from our ashes... very unsuccessfully. It is true that if we had stay in Puerto Rico it would have been worst as there are no jobs for us over there... The bad move was leaving everything in New Jersey. we should have stayed there. But... we were not thinking, period. We were not ready for our daughter's death. We just did not think at all... We lost everything. Moving to Florida was a test, but we had nothing to loose. We had already lost everything. The hard part has been waking up every morning knowing that our Deedee is not there anymore... The hard part has been getting out of bed, getting ready, going to work and having to smile and act as if everything were fine... because nothing is fine. Day by day, night by night... the most daunting task is simply to have a will to go on.
And so, 2014 arrived. I have been blessed with a job that needs me for more than 40 hours, so at least I am making certain that my little family keeps the roof over our heads. But the struggles keep on...
FEBRUARY 2014
Someone gets in our apartment and steals our electronics: Our 2 laptops, a Playstation 3, our spare Hard Disk... This drove us over our edge. All of our pictures and videos of Deedee were in that hard disk. That hard disk literally had our life. It was priceless. It was all that was left of our Golden Years. And now, even that was taken away...
To place a cherry at the top of the sundae, mark lost his job at the end of the month. So, the whole fate of our family goes over my shoulders once more.
AUGUST 2014
I took some vacation time. My best friend pay my trip to Puerto Rico so I could visit Deedee's tomb. I finally was able to put there the flowers that she liked... It was all I could do... This brings me a smile to my face, but still I have the thought in the back of my head: "It is all wrong. I should not be bringing you flowers, you should be alive with us...". The anger and the pain and the silent despair doesn't go away, and it doesn't stop being strong. I love my dear Deedee... And I miss her every single second.
SEPTEMBER 2014
About to celebrate my 1st Anniversary working at Disney! And soon about to celebrate my daughter's 2nd year since she passed away. Duality always goes hand in hand... Bittersweet. That is the word that describes my life. Bittersweet and duality. And... the show must go on.
Here we are.
At the end of September, here I stand... I look up into the sky, to find the brightest star so I find guidance. And there she is, my amazing bright star... shining on us... shining on me. The pain fills me with tears of anger, with unanswered questions, with endless rage. Yet, my dear angel shines on me... trying her best to soothe my spirit, to patch up the bleeding wounds. Her smile, my smile. Her existence my existence. Her silence, my silence... I don't understand why she had to go. I don't understand why, after all our efforts, all of our love was not enough to make her stay. I don't understand if God is just and merciful, why he let this happen... all of this. I don't understand why life makes it so hard for the good people to win but allows evil to prevail unpunished. I don't understand... So many things I don't understand...
My life was taken away the day my little warrior princess exhaled a last breath. She gave me sound purpose, and I gave it all to find a way to make her life whole. I gave it all. I want to honor her memory and do so many meaningful things... yet I am stuck in a mundane life that serves the only purpose of keeping a roof and paying bills. Stuck with the feeling that although it was not my fault, it will always be my fault. Nothing has the same luster. Nothing has the same value or feel. Everything is changed so deeply, beyond explanations... And yet I must stand, and smile, and be an amazing crowd pleaser. Who cares if my heart is breaking every step of the way...
End of September... One year, eleven months and seven days that we walk without holding her hand, or hearing her voice, or gaze into your lovely eyes... Too much time away from real Heaven. Loving her so much, missing her so much... Impatiently waiting until the day I can hold her in my arms again, forever.
In the meantime... trying to find answers, trying to find the colors of the rainbow, trying to breathe once more...
Sunday, April 21, 2013
The Road Taken
It has been tough times... but it is through the Times of Trouble that you develop character... or more likely survival instinct. My family was homeless for 4 months. We arrived to Florida in hopes of finding a job, and what followed was a frantic effort to survive and job hunt. We had helping hands that allowed us to have a roof over our heads, opening up their normal lives to have us there... literally. It's been four months of ups and downs, fights, disappointments, doubts, hardship... We just knew that the worst of all things had happened (our 5 year old daughter's sudden death) so we could survive everything else...
Efforts paid off when I got a part-time offer from Home Depot, another part-time offer from Disney, and three weeks later I also got a full-time offer from the Clerk's Office. I hope to stay with Home Depot if they can schedule my times around the Clerk's Office job. Disney is a no go, as they ask for 24/7 availability and although I was more than willing to do it my family needs me to have a good paying job. The Clerk's Office job offer came the same day that we were to leave to the Homeless Coalition shelter to live there... so I really took it as a signal that it was time for ensuring family security. Ironically, I had been expecting news for a computer job at Bartow, and they called me for an interview the day after I signed with the Clerk's Office. Life is funny and ironic...
So... Tomorrow I start my new full time job, basically performing the things I used to do during my long time with my old employer back home. That is way cool. I will have the opportunity to refresh my knowledge, and to get hands-on updated how to. I hope that all I learned for so many years come back to me, so I can prove an asset and ensure some job stability. Stability... the new key word that we really look forward to... because we know the bitterness of lack of it, and the sweetness of just spending a Friday night in your own home just "chillin" watching Wonderpets... The good old times... We won't be able to recreate that scenario to perfection, but at least close to it...
The 1st step is the job. The 2nd step is the apartment... hopefully within the next 15 days. The 3rd step will be sound transportation... hopefully within the next 4 months... The 4th will be getting the CCNA certification, and then the CCNP. And then the 5th step will be paying all debts that we have. The 6th step, within 3 years from now... will be looking for a house (maybe), but I'm inclined to wait on that... I already feel bitter about the house I bought back home and that turned out to be Rose Red. Hoping next one will be a little house from the Shire... I will then consider what my course of action will be about my studying habits... I want to get an ATP certification, and maybe get in a Master-Doctorate program... I know I won't be happy until I complete the PhD, that's for sure. Maybe I should just go with leadership, marketing, or something about arts... I wanted something about emerging media... distance education or the like... but I don't know if the field of education is for me. Whatever, there's enough time for me to ponder that path...
So.. with all these storming thoughts, I shall just leave. Wish me success tomorrow, so I can start the long path towards stability... and then hopefully towards finding my destiny.
My 1st day of work also marks the 6th month since I lost my daughter... I take it as a sign from her. By now I know that there are no casualties...
Efforts paid off when I got a part-time offer from Home Depot, another part-time offer from Disney, and three weeks later I also got a full-time offer from the Clerk's Office. I hope to stay with Home Depot if they can schedule my times around the Clerk's Office job. Disney is a no go, as they ask for 24/7 availability and although I was more than willing to do it my family needs me to have a good paying job. The Clerk's Office job offer came the same day that we were to leave to the Homeless Coalition shelter to live there... so I really took it as a signal that it was time for ensuring family security. Ironically, I had been expecting news for a computer job at Bartow, and they called me for an interview the day after I signed with the Clerk's Office. Life is funny and ironic...
So... Tomorrow I start my new full time job, basically performing the things I used to do during my long time with my old employer back home. That is way cool. I will have the opportunity to refresh my knowledge, and to get hands-on updated how to. I hope that all I learned for so many years come back to me, so I can prove an asset and ensure some job stability. Stability... the new key word that we really look forward to... because we know the bitterness of lack of it, and the sweetness of just spending a Friday night in your own home just "chillin" watching Wonderpets... The good old times... We won't be able to recreate that scenario to perfection, but at least close to it...
The 1st step is the job. The 2nd step is the apartment... hopefully within the next 15 days. The 3rd step will be sound transportation... hopefully within the next 4 months... The 4th will be getting the CCNA certification, and then the CCNP. And then the 5th step will be paying all debts that we have. The 6th step, within 3 years from now... will be looking for a house (maybe), but I'm inclined to wait on that... I already feel bitter about the house I bought back home and that turned out to be Rose Red. Hoping next one will be a little house from the Shire... I will then consider what my course of action will be about my studying habits... I want to get an ATP certification, and maybe get in a Master-Doctorate program... I know I won't be happy until I complete the PhD, that's for sure. Maybe I should just go with leadership, marketing, or something about arts... I wanted something about emerging media... distance education or the like... but I don't know if the field of education is for me. Whatever, there's enough time for me to ponder that path...
So.. with all these storming thoughts, I shall just leave. Wish me success tomorrow, so I can start the long path towards stability... and then hopefully towards finding my destiny.
My 1st day of work also marks the 6th month since I lost my daughter... I take it as a sign from her. By now I know that there are no casualties...
Friday, April 12, 2013
What I need to update my IT skills
What I need to update & get:
1_ Network+ / A+
Yes, CompTIA’s Network+ and A+ designations are, technically, two separate certifications. But they’re both critical certs that test absolute fundamentals that every IT pro needs to completely understand.
In fact, there’s an argument to be made that all IT pros should have both of these accreditations on their resumes. CompTIA is a well-respected, vendor-neutral (though vendor-supported) organization that continually develops and administers relevant certifications. The network, hardware, and software skills tested on the Network+ and A+ exams are basics that every self-respecting tech professional should master, whether they’re performing budgeting tasks, deploying client machines, managing site-wide migrations, overseeing security, or administering networks and servers.
2_ CCNA
The next politically correct certification to list is the CCIE (Cisco Certified Internetwork Expert). However, that’s a massive exam that few professionals realistically will ever have an opportunity to obtain. And while Cisco equipment frequently composes the network backbone, fueling numerous medium and large organizations, most organizations don’t need a CCIE and don’t have the resources to pay one.
That’s why I believe the more fundamental CCNA (Cisco Certified Network Associate) certification is a smart bet. A CCNA can help technology pros better familiarize themselves with the network OS’s fundamentals, while simultaneously strengthening their resume. Particularly motivated candidates can proceed to earn a CCNA Security certification, as the network security focus is a critical component of enterprise systems.
3_ MCITP
MCITP: Virtualization Administrator on Windows Server 2008 R2 and MCITP: Enterprise Messaging Administrator on Exchange 2010. Microsoft Exchange owns the SMB space. Virtualization initiatives are only getting started and will dominate technology sectors for the next decade at least. Administrators who can knowledgeably navigate Microsoft’s virtualization and email platforms will only grow in importance.
IT pros who have an MCITP (Microsoft Certified IT Professional): Enterprise Administrator on Windows Server 2008 accreditation demonstrate significant, measurable proficiency with Active Directory, configuring network and application infrastructures, enterprise environments, and (if they’ve chosen well) the Windows 7 client OS.
4_ PMP
Too many chiefs isn’t an IT problem I hear or read much about. Instead, it seems there’s a lack of IT pros capable of sizing up a project’s needs, determining required resources and dependencies, developing a realistic schedule, and managing a technical initiative.
The Project Management Institute is a nonprofit group that administers the PMP (Project Management Professional) certification. The exam isn’t designed to earn a profit or motivate IT pros to learn its product and become unofficial sales cheerleaders. The PMP certifies candidates’ ability to plan, budget, and complete projects efficiently, on time, and without cost overruns. Those are skills most every medium and large business needs within its IS department and such ability isn’t going to be replaced by an app or third-party developer in our lifetimes.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
BIG CHANGES
I did not write about it... It has been the most horrible experience in my whole life. All this time I've been waiting to wake up from what became a real life nightmare. My 5 year old daughter died in October 22, 2012. Life stopped. My world crumbled down. Nothing else mattered. As I realized the imminent truth, my heart broke beyond repair... These past weeks have been a long walk through a dessert of starless nights and cold fog... Everything that was certain faded away.
I thought I would be ready for that... but I wasn't. I expected to have my Deirdre for at least 10 years. I expected to see her K graduation... and to watch her amaze people with all her skills... I expected to race behind her as she enjoyed her powered wheelchair... I expected to enjoy her eyes as they would have been so big while meeting Pocahontas and Mulan at her Make a Wish tour... which did not get to happen...
This has been a big hit on me... on my small family. We feel grief that cannot be lifted, and although we are trying our best to move on... it is there... and we know it will always be there until we all get together again.
We moved from NJ to PR to bury her, and to seek shelter in our families... Things did not went as planned... And although we hated doing it, we decided to move to Florida. Right now we are in Wesley Chapel, thanks to the extreme kindness of a dear friend and her family. We cannot begin to express our gratitude... We needed to at least surround ourselves with a positive environment.
So... Wesley Chapel, FL has become our HQ for a new beginning. I am job hunting, and hopefully will get to start earning experience within the Education area. I want to start as instructional assistant for exceptional students (special needs now get that codename... which makes me happy, as they are truly exceptional). I hope to apply all that I learned through Deedee... during her home-bound education, as her personal assistive tech professional, as her therapist, as her caregiver, and as her mom. And once me & my hubby secure the simple jobs we will hunt down for a lair to raise our 2 year old cub... Hopefully the plan will have results soon. I don't want to abuse the kindness of our hosts.
I also will start over with the MET-SLMS (which I had quitted in October). I hope to get a provisional teaching certificate, a librarian certification in a year, complete the Master in Education Technologies and then the Doctorate in Distance Learning for Special Ed kids (focused on home-bound).
Everything that happens has a purpose... I just keep on being angry at the fact that Dee is not here... and she had so many possibilities... That is selfish me talking. She was not in deep pain, she was soaring... and a cure is so near... I am angry at the fact she did not get that chance to be there to try treatments or cure. I am angry at the people that did not see her as she truly was... because they chose not to. I know she is
free of everything now, and doing important things, and smiling and being happy... I just wish for her because I miss her so much, and it is all just plain unfair... I don't understand... But it all is what it is... I can only hope that we all keep living based on the standards we developed thanks to my beloved Dee... and that she walks at our side as our guardian angel... and smiles.
This year, 2013... is a year or renewal... of fulfilling promises... of believing in angels.
I thought I would be ready for that... but I wasn't. I expected to have my Deirdre for at least 10 years. I expected to see her K graduation... and to watch her amaze people with all her skills... I expected to race behind her as she enjoyed her powered wheelchair... I expected to enjoy her eyes as they would have been so big while meeting Pocahontas and Mulan at her Make a Wish tour... which did not get to happen...
This has been a big hit on me... on my small family. We feel grief that cannot be lifted, and although we are trying our best to move on... it is there... and we know it will always be there until we all get together again.
We moved from NJ to PR to bury her, and to seek shelter in our families... Things did not went as planned... And although we hated doing it, we decided to move to Florida. Right now we are in Wesley Chapel, thanks to the extreme kindness of a dear friend and her family. We cannot begin to express our gratitude... We needed to at least surround ourselves with a positive environment.
So... Wesley Chapel, FL has become our HQ for a new beginning. I am job hunting, and hopefully will get to start earning experience within the Education area. I want to start as instructional assistant for exceptional students (special needs now get that codename... which makes me happy, as they are truly exceptional). I hope to apply all that I learned through Deedee... during her home-bound education, as her personal assistive tech professional, as her therapist, as her caregiver, and as her mom. And once me & my hubby secure the simple jobs we will hunt down for a lair to raise our 2 year old cub... Hopefully the plan will have results soon. I don't want to abuse the kindness of our hosts.
I also will start over with the MET-SLMS (which I had quitted in October). I hope to get a provisional teaching certificate, a librarian certification in a year, complete the Master in Education Technologies and then the Doctorate in Distance Learning for Special Ed kids (focused on home-bound).
Everything that happens has a purpose... I just keep on being angry at the fact that Dee is not here... and she had so many possibilities... That is selfish me talking. She was not in deep pain, she was soaring... and a cure is so near... I am angry at the fact she did not get that chance to be there to try treatments or cure. I am angry at the people that did not see her as she truly was... because they chose not to. I know she is
free of everything now, and doing important things, and smiling and being happy... I just wish for her because I miss her so much, and it is all just plain unfair... I don't understand... But it all is what it is... I can only hope that we all keep living based on the standards we developed thanks to my beloved Dee... and that she walks at our side as our guardian angel... and smiles.
This year, 2013... is a year or renewal... of fulfilling promises... of believing in angels.
Monday, May 28, 2012
The Librarian Project: Phase 1
Ok, so just when I thought that things would not align themselves to what I wanted to do... I got a letter that says I am officially matriculated on the Master in Education Technology, Librarian mayor. Yay?
Well, I still won't scream yay. I need to go to the financial office to see if I can get student loans for this project... that will begin in Fall, online. Somehow I will try to apply for a scholarship and pray I get accepted for next year. I trust that if I am to follow this path, that things will fall into place. Fingers crossed, and armor on ready for battle!
Well, I still won't scream yay. I need to go to the financial office to see if I can get student loans for this project... that will begin in Fall, online. Somehow I will try to apply for a scholarship and pray I get accepted for next year. I trust that if I am to follow this path, that things will fall into place. Fingers crossed, and armor on ready for battle!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Almost a year in review
Just checking up my blogs I noticed that my actual blog about me has not been updated since almost a year! Why could this happen? Well, it is not for lack of passion or for lack of things to blog about... Blame it all on time constraints and the extra factors of having a special needs child, a rambuntious toddler, a crazy hobby, and a thousand and one adventures/projects/research/trials/explorations.
These are the main things from what has been going on:
I stumbled into options and found that being a media specialist I would put to use my computer skills, my help desk skills, and my creative skills. And I had an enligtment: I will also have fun doing it. I find this exciting and rewarding. I would not feel like I was doing a chore. I would not feel obliged but quite eager to actually wake up and perform my duty. I would have a established time to work, which would make plenty of sense when you look at my daily agenda... The whole thing is a perfect fit that relates to my reality of caregiver, mother, and professional. This is it. After this there is no turning back. This is the mid-life career change that will bookmark the time and place where things change even more. My big girl reached my psyche and brought me peace: You must do what makes you happy... period. She teaches that lesson to everyone around her, everyday. It is the only way to actually target living life to the fullest and without regrets. The big bucks may not be there... but real happiness comes from within. We already have what we need. Everything else is a plus. Above all... happiness is priceless.
I am to persue my happiness and forget the big buck dream. I can't do that at the expense of not knowing my kids and pushing family aside... If I were to persue that, then I have not learned my lesson at all!
And so the new era begins... I will do a Summer bootcamp to comply with some requisites to enter the graduate school. In Fall, I should go ahead and get in depth into the graduate program. Graduate... sounds more like it. And maybe after that I could get into my ultimate doctorate dreams about distance learning. Baby steps... for now.
Engage!
These are the main things from what has been going on:
- My big girl went to camp from July to August 2011. Translation: For 6 weeks her nurse and me made sure that she was part of an amazing art/history experience doing lots of stuff that she didn't even dream possible. We witnessed the first time another kid her age hold her hand. We witnessed tantrums because she wanted to sleep with the other kids and she couldn't because of her own safety. We witnessed her first taste of being on stage (and loving it). It was a very intense thing as she had classes in the morning then we had to go to the museum and be there for 3 hours... but totally worth it
- I took a term break from WGU in October. I am not in for setting myself to failure, and time became a precious rare thing. My big girl needs plenty of time, as I need to configure and keep up her communication screens, make sure she can use the adaptive technology available for her, and take time to read to her and find new themes and things to expand her interests. Add to that the nurses taking time off without letting us know, and the agencies not filling the slots which means days without the service and chaos for us. Add taking care of the little girl and her overpowering self... I had to decide what was more important and right now my presence and attention for both of them is much needed. So, I expected to return to keep on with the IT degree on January...
- My big girl spent a week at the hospital for New Years Eve. Stress levels go high under those circunstances, and so the beginning of the year was quite hectic... Upon returning from the hospital she kept on being sick for two more weeks. This translate to us doing treatments every 4 hours... no rest for the wicked! January and Febrary were really bad months.
- March came in with a positive bang. Many hours spent on research, honing letters of medical necessity, trying to get trial for power wheelchair, trying to get trial for therapy devices and for specific therapies... IEP dissagreement and meetings... Medical appointments... On the positive side, my big girl was approved a right for Make A Wish! And she also won an iPad! She trialed a Permobile wheelchair, and will soon trial a new stander too.
- April has been hectic, but things are falling into place. Coordinating services, following up on all things from my big girl's services and needs... And I had an epiphany and finally discovered what I want to do for the rest of my career life... I guess I'll surprise everyone who doesn't know me from grammar school saying I want to become a school library media specialist. Go ahead, do the group "What!" together.
I stumbled into options and found that being a media specialist I would put to use my computer skills, my help desk skills, and my creative skills. And I had an enligtment: I will also have fun doing it. I find this exciting and rewarding. I would not feel like I was doing a chore. I would not feel obliged but quite eager to actually wake up and perform my duty. I would have a established time to work, which would make plenty of sense when you look at my daily agenda... The whole thing is a perfect fit that relates to my reality of caregiver, mother, and professional. This is it. After this there is no turning back. This is the mid-life career change that will bookmark the time and place where things change even more. My big girl reached my psyche and brought me peace: You must do what makes you happy... period. She teaches that lesson to everyone around her, everyday. It is the only way to actually target living life to the fullest and without regrets. The big bucks may not be there... but real happiness comes from within. We already have what we need. Everything else is a plus. Above all... happiness is priceless.
I am to persue my happiness and forget the big buck dream. I can't do that at the expense of not knowing my kids and pushing family aside... If I were to persue that, then I have not learned my lesson at all!
And so the new era begins... I will do a Summer bootcamp to comply with some requisites to enter the graduate school. In Fall, I should go ahead and get in depth into the graduate program. Graduate... sounds more like it. And maybe after that I could get into my ultimate doctorate dreams about distance learning. Baby steps... for now.
Engage!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)