Update before Thanksgiving… Well, the list go like this:
- September 11: Operation taking out fibroid and uterus
- Medical leave of 6 weeks due to recuperation from the operation
- October 21: Short trip to PR, arranged for auntie’s roof fixing
- Back to work, trying to hold on to hope of getting callback from interviews…
- Got a call from the Autism Center. Excited about that job change prospect!
- And $6,000 later, Auntie’s roof is finally fixed! That’s the happy news. Sad, back to being broke.
- November 1: Got the operation bill… Not pretty.
- Hubby was moved from Volcano to Islands while Volcano is closed… Good, he was not fired! Bad, only works 2 days a week…
- My paycheck has been small the last 3 weeks because of retroactive medical insurance payment, not good at all.
- Bills piling up, behind in power and behind in phone. Trying to figure out how to pay it all.
- Exercise… back little by little. Air-walk 45 minutes every other day. Slow but certain.
- Nov 17: I added another class to see if I can manage 2 this time, I need to start doing that to try finishing the Master by Spring 2022. So, for Winter 2020 it will be Diagnosis and Marriage/Family Counseling.
- Nov 18 May need to quit FAC before starting… Still mixed feelings, still feeling I should say f@%k it and just do it.
I’m deeply depressed. Not getting a callback from any of the interviews in Puerto Rico… Gladys had a fall 2 weeks ago… I may be forced to decline FAC because how we will survive December and January? The usual missing Deedee and missing Steve… No friends looking for us, feeling so alone… Having to smile and just bear with it all. I feel cornered…
I am at the river bend, deciding if I stay at Disney or if I
go to FAC. I want to make the change, I was extremely happy and hopeful for the
change… But the timing stinks. Our finances depend on me until February… Going
to FAC I’ll officially start getting payment on Dec 31st. It is a
big risk, we have no savings, nothing to back us up…. Should I stay or should I
go…
Staying as I am would mean one more year of this… One more
year… of unhappy, stressed, highly anxious… I looked forward to change… Good
change… But once more, others come first. Duty, responsibility, suck it up and
go on. Feels like so much effort is for nothing. I feel no matter what I do… my
wishes are not to come true.
“The choices are your and your alone”… I want to stay in PR… no job. Here I have a job, unhappy… Or here I can finally start a new job, uncertain… Studies? More loans versus Disney paying… Choice, choices… Rent and old bills... It doesn’t feel like I have a choice at all. Not my moment.
When will it ever be my moment?
