2023 THE OUTER LIMITS

 

Between studying and working time has taken me in a bullet train. Right now I seem to be near the biggest turning point I the past 10 years about who I am and what I do. Life has throuwn many lemons, and the lemonade has been bitter many times, but nevertheless I have resisted, persisted, rebirthed and achieved… on my own. I sorely miss my best friend who is in Heaven… Since Steve’s departure many things have not been the same. I had no idea of how important he was not just in my life but in my family’s life. It has been extremely hard pushing through without his cheerleading 24/7. Deedee's loss was the first impact... the second was Steve... But… here I am. My hubby keeps on being the guardian of everything that holds our family together, and every now and then I remind him who is boss (me of course!)… It is always about Mark, Kali, and me.

It is sad that the support from life-friends wanes and flickers as channels passed by… I love returning to the same shows but the channels are filled with static… On my end those chosen ones are always first place… but I know on their side I am past not present. I try to reach out but the frequency is too different, images are so distorted, and one-sided efforts nulls transmission. I can’t keep on efforts and energy on people who won’t reciprocate. I will always welcome channels that signal for contact, but if the lines stay dead there is not much I can do. Sulkin and fading in the darkness is not my style.

I reached the half-century! The 50th trip around te sun celebration was dull, I could not do what I wanted (a simple visit t Vieques) but I got to go home and visit the mandatory tombs (Deedee, Gladys) and Willie (felt like a goodbye) and mother (felt as usual).

My eye issues landed changes on me that hinted on bad omens but that I have flipped into knowing a different world. I’ve been using an eye patch because of displaced retina on right eye. I am trying using my computer glasses without the patch but reading is extremely tricky, the converse sight clashing with the correct one… I drive short distances but I’m not insane enough to go into a highway… that would be a hazzard.

I discovered audiobooks for studying, so when I thought I had to stop I discovered I could do anything. I’m finally one class away from finishing “textbook courses” and completing Internship so I graduate. I will get my Master in Clinical Counseling in June 2024, if the plan keeps rolling. It has been true labor since starting in 2019… going through operations, elder caregiving, and job constraints. Just one more year… I will attempt to take my National Certification Examination in October this year. And I just joined the Omega Nu Lambda National Honor Society for Belleview University as my grades have been beyond excellent, as always.

I should be an official graduate Clinical Counseling Intern by August 2024, when I hope to finally be able to start my new career, leaving behind all my years in the Information Technology area. I KNOW I REALLY look forward to that moment. I should not have studied Business, but either Psychology or Art… I am good with computers, but in the core it has always been about human expression and freeing the mind. I know it will be hard work, especially facing so much stigma because I am Puertorrican. Life in Mainland, USA has been a constant fight because I have been constantly judged by my roots and what everyone perceives from it. I know how power and privilege works because I have experienced the pressures and assumptions from the white baseline. It was horrible in TN, it was bad in NJ, and it gets very appalling and unexpected in FL. Because I have a strong accent people assume I don’t know English. Over the phone, people assume they are calling outside the US… The uprising of people just being entitled and extremely ignorant has been hard to endure… And, ageism is real. People have to get in the boat, 50 is the new 25. Here I am!

So, this has been the highlights from the past few years:

·        2019 Did a one year temporary assignment at Disney Plus phone guest service. That was a welcomed change of pace, but hours created havoc. I was back to Group Reservations on 2020, still there. The fixed schedule has allowed me to study.

·        Had to take a leave at end of December 2020 s my Great Aunt was alone in a hospital, because of dementia. I went home, helped her get stronger and out of the hospital. Then helped her being able to sit, so I could bring her with me to Florida. She was able to see Cinderella’s Castle a second time (first was in 1987)… one last time. She recognized me for 2 minutes.

·        My Great Aunt Gladys passed away in June 2021 at age 97. I’m glad I was able to bring a last smile to her before she went away. All I am, I owe to her, and Willie. She was the epitome of what being a mother is.

·        By August 2021 I had to get some laser treatment because of an avalanche of floaters in my right eye. After the 3^rd treatment I got sick, and while coughing I had a hemorrhage that displaced my retina. I could see nothing with my right eye. I had to wear an eyepatch to read with my left eye. Had an operation by December, then a cataract operation in March… It is certain that vision will be bad in my right eye, accepting that norm. I do have quite of an eyepatch collection! I try using just the computer glasses now, but I notice I close my eye to compensate, so… depending on what I’m doing I wear the eyepatch. Fighting double vision gets tiresome… but a crappy eye won’t define me. Found solutions and have been moving on.

·        2023: Finally found a site to do my Practicum. I’m hoping this works out to do at least one Internship there as well. I don’t know if I will need to get a second site to comply with specific program requisites but I’ll get there when I cross this first bridge. Now in Summer I’m taking Advanced Counseling and completing Practicum. In Fall I will have the last course, Careers Counseling, and first Internship. Second and third Internship will be in Winter and Spring.

If I look tired… is because I am! But I will complete this. I have another half-century ahead of me where I will do what I am meant to do: Art, Roleplay, Travel and help change the world one person at a time. Everything I have endured through losses and rebirths have led me to this moment in time: The Outer Limits.